I'm Actually Leaving: Moment of Weakness

To misquote Will Ferrell, "I love wine, wine-y, wine, wine!" That wasn't it? Oh well.

Countdown: 4 weeks and 5 days until departure.

So, I've been feeling my reality lately. This past weekend, I went to Bed, Bath & Beyond to spend a gift card I had. I figured I could buy a few things for traveling, so I went and took my time on a Saturday afternoon. The bed linens, the curtains, the kitchen appliances, I enjoyed it all. I love interior decorating. Making a new apartment feel like a home, customizing a space, choosing a new color scheme. I love making things cozy. Until it hit me. As I was wandering down each isle, I became more and more aware of my situation. I have no home. I can't decorate, I can't "nest", I can't get comfortable. This is my reality.

As I browsed the bedding section, I fought back tears. Stay strong. I can't take any of this stuff with me. Who really needs stuff anyway? I don't. Fuck stuff.  We Americans think we need so much until we realize we don't. The problem is, we don't realize it until it's too late. But I have. I know that this is only more crap I won't need later. More things that will take up valuable space in my carry-on. Whatever I need, I can get in Italy.

Next thing I knew, I was bawling my eyes out sitting in my car alone in the parking lot. What am I doing? This is real. This is happening. I don't have a home, I won't have a home for a long time. I can't believe I'm doing this.

As I'm sitting there, totally aware of my normal behavior, and consciously avoiding it, I thought about my adult life and how many places I've lived, decorated and felt comfortable in. That made me cry harder. This was the first time it hit me. I already missed the people, the places, the feelings. I was scared to leave home.

10 Things I Will and Will Not Miss About Los Angeles

With every day that goes by, I am mentally preparing to live in an entirely different world. Along with the preparation comes a running list in my head of things I'll miss...like when I'm walking my dog on a warm summer evening and I stop to take in the moment and let the sunset kiss my face. Shit like that.

So, let's get to it.

Things I will miss....

1. American Breakfast.
I love eggs. That's a weird statement, but it's true. Omelets, scrambles, over easy eggs with french toast. I love it all. I enjoy having a large breakfast to start my day, and what's even better is having all the options we do. Breakfast is my favorite meal of the day. Ok, I'm seriously sad now.

2. LA weather.
Do I really need to explain this one? Every single day is beautiful here. Even the gloomy days are nice. They're refreshing and welcome. I mean, we have to take advantage of the handful of gray days we get a year...when else would the twig girls get to enjoy their iced pumpkin spiced lattes and take selfies when they're "deep in thought"?

3. The mix of cultures.
LA is a huge cultural melting pot, and I love the fact that I could just hop over to Little Tokyo, Korea Town, Little Armenia, or Olvera Street when I need some spice in my life. Speaking of all those places....

4. Lots of food options!
Not only is LA known as the Foodie Capitol of America (ok, maybe I made that up) because of all the amazing chefs who come here to try something new, but the diversity in cultural food options is amazing. Growing up in Southern California, you learn very quickly what good Mexican food looks and tastes like. I love it, and I love the fact that on any given day of the week, I can get authentic, delicious Mexican food to satisfy my craving. Then, another day, I can get amazing Japanese, Italian, or Mediterranean food. I think I might die in Europe....I need options!! I'm spoiled.

The more disgusting it looks, the better it tastes!

5. Following your dream
No, it's not a myth; the streets of Hollywood are literally paved with gold...okay, it's actually glitter, but it gets the point across. I love that people from all over the country come here in search of fulfilling their dreams and that anything is possible here. It truly is amazing and you can always spot the fresh new faces full of hope before regret, doubt, depression, and desperation take hold. Hey, the restaurant businesses in LA need to stay afloat somehow, right?


With all that being said, let me tell you things I will NOT miss...

1. Plastic bodies and fish faces.

Fake boobs, swollen lips, bad botox, and everything in between. Everyone is trying to look like they're 26 and let me tell you, it's sad. Not hot, not attractive, not sexy-- sad! You really get to see the insecurities of a person. It's everywhere. I will not miss that.



2. Shallow people
"What do you do?"
"I'm an actress!"
"....oh."
Not only is everyone you meet anywhere trying to be an actress, singer, model, or all three, but you overhear their shallow, stupid conversations in public all the time! You really can't escape it. Scratch what I said earlier about loving the fact that everyone moves here to follow their dreams. It's annoying! It gets to the point where you assume everyone you meet is in the industry ("The Industry" meaning film, obviously), and the place you're eating dinner has signed headshots of people you've never even heard of covering it's walls when you realize your server's face is among them. I can't even explain to you how annoying it is, as a local who grew up here, to be constantly bombarded by starry eyed actors/models/singers who "just wanna make it". Ugh, give it a rest! You came to the most concentrated pool of your own competition in the world, what makes you think you're any different than anyone else?! I. Can't. Stand it! Also, people who have ridiculously amazing bodies. You look great, but don't you have anything else you're working on? People go hiking in full hair and make up just in case. It's truly ludicrous. Rant over.

What was I talking about?  Oh, right...

3. TRAFFIC
This is a sensitive topic for me. I loath it with every fiber of my being. I am so excited not to have a car in Italy.

This is real. I know this exact spot.

4. WASPs
White Anglo Saxon Protestants. Or, for the lay person, rich, entitled middle-aged white people. I grew up as a minority in the ghetto, so I may be a little biased here, but I notice it all the time! Old rich white men in their sports cars cutting people off driving (and their fake, botoxed wives in the passenger seats) anger the crap out of me. And, the worst part is, they run rampant in LA. I will not miss their mentality that money fixes everything and status is the kind of car you drive. We all know your wife is cheating on you and you cry yourself to sleep at night. Can money fix that, asshole?! Also, they treat my dog like he's a monster.

5. Keeping up with the Joneses (or, Kardashians).....god, I can't stand them....
All the celebrities who live here set the precedent. Everybody who's a nobody wants to be like them. People wear masks here everyday and make themselves sound like so much more than they are. It's fake. So, if you haven't been following, their insides AND their outsides are fake. I am so looking forward to get out a place where fashion is appreciated, but the passion and history and experience is important.


So, there it is, folks. What I love and hate about living in LA. I can't wait to move to Italy!

Have any additions or questions? Leave a comment!

Breaking Up to Travel

Ah, the familiar phrase I've Googled many, many times.

If you're thinking about it, you're already on your way. I'm speaking from experience. In the 3 major relationships in my adult life, I can honestly say that my wanderlust was a major factor in our break ups. Italy is seriously my mistress....er, mister?

Exhibit A: College Sweetheart, who we will call "J".

J was every girl's dream. 6’4” collegiate athlete, gentleman, scholar, and my god we were hot between the sheets.  Seriously, best sex of my life, for THREE straight years! He was an aquarius and we worked. However, he wanted the typical American dream: white picket fence, beautiful blonde wife with a heart of gold (that could have been me), anglo babies, and to retire on our pensions where we would travel once a year to an English speaking country. Snore. Clearly, that wasn't my dream. It wasn't until later I realized this and our problems arose. After getting our own apartment that year, his getting accepted into a masters program, having our 3 year anniversary, and celebrating Christmas with each others' families, all of a sudden I felt panicked. A week later, I broke it off. It was the biggest heart break I had ever experienced, but what was even harder was that I did it to myself. I had to live with my decision. From then on, I knew I needed to travel. We had fought about Italy, mostly, in the last stretch of our relationship and every day I felt more and more sure of my heart's wants. I needed to go. He didn't understand and that's where we divided. A month after we broke up, he was already dating another girl. The day I came to say goodbye since I was moving back to California, I told him that I knew he was going to marry the new girl and I told him I was going to crash his wedding. He ended up getting married to that same girl 4 years later. Their wedding was last month and I just found out last week. FML…hence the “that could have been me”. The rest is history, I guess. Nothing compares to your first love. You’re vulnerable, open to new things, and want it so badly to work out. You imagine getting married and having babies, and what it would be like to live out your happily ever after. To this day, nothing has come close to that relationship in all the ways that made us so great. I know he’s happy now, and I’m happy for him. As much as it hurt, I know I made the right decision and am so happy I did.

Exhibit B: The Fun One, who we will call "A".

A was the next serious relationship I had after moving back to California, post J. It had been about a year since the break up and I was ready to try love again. I knew I didn't want anything too serious, and A seemed like the perfect choice. He was fun, social, outgoing, and spontaneous. I loved it all. I didn't want anything serious; serious meaning "ready to get married, like yesterday", which I had experienced when I was casually dating around before I met him. Yeesh. A seemed like the perfect guy for where I was in life. He was actually the one who had helped me get to Italy in the first place, and for that, I am eternally grateful. They say some people come into your life for a reason, and I truly believe A was in mine to help me get to that place. We had a ton of fun, and went out almost every weekend with our amazing group of friends. When I came back from my 2 week trip to Italy, he realized that he "didn't want to be without me" and asked me to move in. I was extremely hesitant, but sometimes you gotta take chances in life. So I did. As the relationship went on, I realized it just wasn’t right. Maybe I outgrew our dynamic, or just felt that I knew there was something else out there for me, but I knew in my heart that it was time to go. He's a sweet guy and I still think positive things about him, but he wasn’t for me. In the midst of everything between my first trip to Italy and our breakup about a year later,  I had already planned a second trip to Italy and was going to be an Au Pair in Florence that summer. After our relationship ended, I swore to myself that I was going to keep my head down and focus on my trip that was coming up in 4 months....well, that didn't go as planned….

Exhibit C: S, The Creative One.

What a roller coaster this relationship has been. I met S only shortly after A and I had broken up and, I'll admit, I was in no place to start anything new. But, when has that ever stopped me?! Apparently, I'm a glutton for disaster. Textbook self-sabotager. S and I started seeing each other without realizing what we were getting into. He was new to LA, with a hopeful acting career and I was a poor dreamer living on my friend's couch until my trip, working at a coffee shop. He had this intelligent, artsy, sarcastic, hot nerd thing about him that I couldn’t resist. We hit it off right away and kind of stumbled into something without meaning to, and things got real serious real quick. Too much pressure too soon was a recipe for disaster. My second Italy trip was growing nearer and nearer every day and things were not getting any easier. In fact, they were really rough in the beginning. He had about 100 pounds of emotional baggage from his last relationship, and I was caught between looking forward and walking backward. I told myself I didn't want a relationship during my travels, but again, things happen. My second trip didn’t last as long as planned, but when I came back, shit got real. Next thing you know, we were 10 steps ahead of where a normal relationship should have been, but as we discovered, we’re not normal people. There was no time to really think about it, so we ended up signing a lease and moving into our very own apartment. Crazy. Through A LOT of ups and downs, we grew closer, understood each other better from our experiences, and learned a lot from each other. Things were going well after a year and half, and somehow we ended up rescuing our dog. I love my puppy child, don’t get me wrong, I just think hind sight is 20/20 and we really should have waited like we agreed. 2 months after getting a dog, I graduated with my bachelors degree and the travel bug bit again. Italy. This is about when I decided that I wanted to travel before it’s too late and right now seemed like my window of opportunity. S and I talked about it since he knows how important traveling is to me and we came to the agreement, through a hypothetical scenario, that he would support me if I wanted to teach English abroad. The following month, I enrolled in my TEFL course and here we are.

As you can see, Italy has been a major part of my break ups my entire adult life (among other things). I don't really believe in coincidence, which is why I think it is a serious calling. The feeling has been unshakable each time, like my soul is being called home. Cheesy, I know, but it’s true.

If you can relate, I’m telling you it’s worth it. The way I see it is, if you were meant to be with the person you’re with, then it will happen when and how it’s supposed to. If you’re thinking about leaving everything and everyone to gallivant the globe, then your mind is already made up. You wouldn’t be having those thoughts if it wasn’t what your heart truly wanted. It really does know what you want, and if I hadn’t followed mine when it told me to break up with J, I would probably be married and starting a life right now that I didn’t necessarily want. Sure, I’d be happy, but deep down inside I’d know this isn’t what I want. I told myself, after leaving J, that I did the right thing because I know that as the years went on, I would end up resenting him because I didn’t do what I wanted in my life. We would end up in an unhappy marriage and probably get a divorce all because I missed the signs from the universe and didn’t listen to my heart to go down the path I was meant to. Justify it however you want, but I can tell you with confidence that every hard decision I’ve made thus far in life has lead me here, and I couldn’t be happier.

I made my choices and had to live with them, but at the end of the day, I know that I’m right where I’m supposed to be. This is my time to be selfish, so I am taking full advantage. I am following my heart.

When I planned my second trip to Italy, I was debating my relationship with A, and found this amazing blog post that helped me through a lot. Reading it now is even more eye opening. Check out Bacon is Magic's post about her experience and how she got through it here --> http://www.baconismagic.ca/chile/walked-away-from-love/ I really loved the way she opened up and told her story.

Did you ever break up to travel, or try to continue your relationship long distance? How did it end up? Have any advice? Leave a comment and tell your story.

Travel Plans: What to Do When Plan "A" Doesn't Work

So, Plan “A” didn’t work out. What now? Freak out? Cancel everything? Seek refuge from your bed and cry into your pillow until you fall asleep? Ok, that may be my way of dealing with things, but I can’t be the only one, right?

Recently, while casually looking at my calendar, I suddenly realized that I only have about 8 more weeks until I leave….that’s only 2 months! Panic mode ensued and the following couple of days were predetermined to be ruined. Now, normally, I’m a strange mix between fun, spunky Pinkie Pie and inappropriate, kickass Pam Poovy, but during panic mode, I was like, totally a Droopy Dog and Panicky Smurf combo. Not fun.

This is how I feel when people say something negative
about what I'm doing.

Yayyyyy for Dick Holsters!!!

I had an emotional breakdown and started worrying about all the things that could go wrong, how ill prepared I was, and of course, my sad little savings account which I check everyday just in case any magical money appears over night. Still hoping.

At this point, getting a third job would help a ton, but I’m struggling with the type of job I could get since scheduling is a problem with my other necessary jobs. I’ve even looked into temp agencies, which are still in the works. Another issue is the amount of time I would keep the job. I would need to find something in the service industry for 1) the tips and 2) the high turnover rate so I won’t feel bad when I leave. I’m not entirely selfish!

My initial Plan “A” was great back in February when I applied to be a substitute teacher and had full time availability. Unfortunately, the company had other plans and took forever with my hiring paperwork, costing me over a month of time without working yet. Looking back, I probably should have looked for something else right away to fill the unknown amount of time before I would start teaching, but hindsight is always 20/20.

Now, at my 2 month mark (have I mentioned I only have 2 months left?), I’m doing the math and it’s not looking good. To overcome my Panic Smurf freak out, I began thinking of my options for jobs and other things. After searching all over Indeed for American companies with offices in Italy, remote jobs for American companies, and thinking of other ways to make money working from my laptop abroad, I realized as I was doing all of this, I was sitting in the one place I spend most of my time. The coffee shop. Not only do I know most of the employees, and how things are done, the manager also knows me and my boyfriend by name and starts our drinks the minute we walk in. In other words, we’re regulars. Why did I never see this before? I spend my entire morning there anyway, so why not get paid for it? They started hiring recently and haven’t had much luck with the people they’ve been training. LA is full of unreliable people, actors especially. Ugh, actors. So, I had a nice little conversation with the manager, told her that I can work for 2 months, and she's going to put in a good word for me with the owners.  Extra income and free coffee for me, and a competent, reliable employee for a couple months for them. Winning!

Being adaptable is an important characteristic for a traveler to have. If Plan “A” doesn’t work out, you need to be able to think quickly, and stick and move. I’ll be honest, forethought isn’t a strong point of mine, especially if I have painstakingly strong faith in my existing plan, so there is always a disconnect between where I am and where I see myself. Obviously, this isn’t something I’m proud of, but at least I’m honest with myself. I am, however, resourceful and when I take the time to look around, I can come up with new ideas pretty quickly. If you’re stuck in a bind, try to think outside the box. Super cliche, I know, but sometimes the answer is right in front of you, or in my case, you’re so close to it (maybe even inside of it), that you don’t see it. In addition to this idea, I also plan on heading down to the main street of my neighborhood and pass out my resume to every bar and restaurant like a frat party flyer being distributed in the dorms! BOOM! That, my friend, is called hustling.

Now, for my new outlook and daily mantra, "I am so happy I have $5,000 in my savings account before August!" Put it out into the universe and let it happen!

Also check out my post 8 Ways to Save For Your Next Adventure for more ideas!

What do you do if Plan "A" doesn't work out? Tell us in the comments below.

8 Ways To Save For Your Next Adventure

1. Cancel any unnecessary subscriptions and memberships.

Exercising is a great stress reliever, but you don't need a gym to work out. There's no reason you can't do squats or push ups at home, climb some stairs or go for a walk on your break at work. Sometimes gym memberships are the most difficult thing to cancel or freeze, but it is definitely a good call if you’re trying to save money. For me, that was the first thing that went. I was not going every day to begin with, and the weather was starting to warm up, so I could run at the park. Ah, the fresh LA air. Another subscription you probably don’t need is Spotify. Why would you pay for something that you can get for free? So what if you have to listen to a few quick commercials every 20 songs—I would rather save the 10 bucks and suck it up. Anything you pay for on a monthly basis that automatically gets taken out of your account is bad news. Most of the time people are too lazy to cancel whatever it is, whether they use it or not, than to pick up the phone and keep their money. If you think it’s no big deal, do the math. It adds up quick. I cancelled my cable/satellite service a long time ago simply because I didn’t have time to watch TV, plus I had Netflix. So, I saved myself over $75 a month and decided I didn’t need the fastest Internet connection possible, either. Keep that Netflix subscription though. I’m sure it will come in handy later on your laptop during a 10-hour layover. You’re welcome.

2. Set up automatic saving transfers with your bank.

Most banks nowadays give you the option to schedule automatic payments from checking into savings at a set amount. It is so much easier to save money when $50 goes straight into your piggy bank on the 15th of every month. Out of sight, out of mind, which means you won't be tempted to spend it since you don't even realize it's missing. Seriously, it’s the easiest way to make sure you don't blow your whole paycheck on fast food and alcohol. While you're at it, you might as well set up a Keep The Change setting so you can save on every transaction. It rounds up the change to the nearest dollar and automatically puts it in your savings account, sort of like a digital piggy bank.

3. Make coffee at home.

I don't know about you, but I am addicted to my morning latte. I'm not a big Keurig fan since I don't really like regular brewed coffee, and I despise Starbucks (it tastes like over sweetened sewer water—sorry I’m not sorry), so this tip took some time for even me to realize. Maybe it's the cozy ambiance of my favorite coffee shop around the corner, or maybe it's just out of pure habit that it's my first stop of the day, but I've found that if I wake up and make coffee during my morning routine, I don't feel like I need to go anywhere to do work. I worked as a barista once upon a time, so luckily I am an expert at making lattes. If you don’t know how, no worries, just look up a tutorial on Youtube and you’re good to go. It might take some practice, though. Once I put the effort into make my own latte while I'm getting ready, the next thing I knew, I was at the table scrolling through emails and starting my work at home. I have saved tons by buying the espresso served at the coffee shop and having them grind it for me. I can almost guarantee that your neighborhood coffee shop sells their espresso beans by the pound and will grind it for you, too. I bought a Moka, the brand of stovetop Italian espresso maker that I love, a manual frother for milk, and vanilla flavored syrup all on Amazon for what I would have spent on croissants and lattes everyday for a week (remember, I'm talking LA prices). It was crazy how quickly I saved $100, all because I broke up with my coffee shop...but you can say we’re still friends with benefits. The point is, make your own lattes, save more money.

4. Use coupons!

This is an obvious one. There are tons of grocery apps that you can download digital coupons for that work with your local grocery store. They are put on your membership card automatically, so when you're in the check out line and you put in your phone number or scan your rewards card, all of those deals are instantly applied. Unfortunately, not all stores are compatible with the apps, but nowadays you can go on the grocery store's website, login with your membership and download instant coupons from there. If you're a frequent shopper anywhere else, always ask to be put on their mailing list and get emails with great exclusive deals right to your inbox. Buyer beware, however, that if you keep seeing coupons for your favorite clothing store, don't be tempted to online shop because you saw a subject line that said "50% off!" I only subscribe to the email list for things like groceries, car washes, and pet supplies since those are the things I tend to spend money on a lot. Why pay full price when you can get the same thing for less? Which brings me to my next piece of advice...

5. Say goodbye to Bloomingdales and hellooooo to TJ Maxx.

Personally, I've never been one to spend more than $30 on a top, and that's only if it's a really cute one that I absolutely can't live without. I'm not one of those girls who max out their credit cards at the mall (that's just plain irresponsible). When I do feel like a little innocent retail therapy or I actually need something, my go-to stores are TJ Maxx, Target, Marshalls or Nordstrom Rack (it’s the last on my list unless I'm looking for something specific--they have great shoes). I have found time and time again that whatever I saw at the mall will end up being at one of these places for a fraction of the price. If I'm going to spend $50, I would rather come home with 4 or 5 items than one. What makes it even better is that I always feel a sense of accomplishment after I beat the system by finding the same top I saw elsewhere for $40, but buying at one of these stores for $18. You just can't beat that. Another thing I recently discovered, at least in LA, are recycled clothing stores. It's like Salvation Army and Macy's had a very stylish, but fairly priced baby. You can buy and sell gently used, brand name clothes that are in season and probably spend less than half of what you would have in a department store. No lie, I saw a pair of Gucci heels, barely worn, for $100! Being on a budget and having a practical mindset, I'm not in the market for a pair of Gucci heels, but you get what I'm saying. Look around before paying full price for anything.

6. Take advantage of Taco Tuesdays.

Last week, my friends invited me to Taco Tuesday, which meant super cheap all-you-can-eat street tacos and huge $5 margaritas all night long. Cha-ching. That's my kinda place. When I asked why we had never done this before, one of the guys said, "Well, since you're now the official Poor Friend and can't come out with us on the weekends, we figured you couldn't turn down cheap food and alcohol while also getting to hang out with us." Well, they were right. My friends are awesome. I haven't been very social lately since whenever we get together it's usually out on the town somewhere on a Friday night, which does not get along with my budget. So, they've been really great about finding cheaper things to do so I can tag along, too. I haven't been able to go out nearly as much, but it is nice that they're thinking of me and respecting my cause to save money. Don't be fooled, though. They give me so much shit for being a charity case if they buy me a drink here or there, but hey, that's what friends are for, right?

7. Drive safely.

Nothing sucks worse than getting a ticket! Seeing those red and blue lights flashing in your rearview mirror sends your heart to the pit of your stomach and you know you’re not going to get out of it. I don’t know about other states, but in California a speeding ticket can cost upwards of $400! What a waste of money that would be, all because you were being careless. Drive (and park) safely to avoid getting any citations. Recently I acquired 2 ridiculous parking tickets, the kind that LA is infamous for. $68 each, one for parking “too far” from the curb, which, by the way is 18”, for future reference, and the other I got at 6:02pm on a street where permit parking is enforced starting at 6:00pm. I was lucky it was the second Wednesday of the month during a full moon or else I could have been towed!

8. Last, but not least, earn a second income.
This may or may not be possible for everyone, but you'd be surprised how easy it could be thanks to el internet. Fiverr, Task Rabbit and Guru are just a few websites where you can find side work to complete in your free time. If you have some extra hours in the day, Take Lessons is another great resource if you have a teaching or coaching service to offer. Earning extra income doesn’t necessarily have to mean getting a part time job at a restaurant (although that is a good choice since you can come home with cash in your pocket every night). Get creative with what you can do; you might even surprise yourself.

These are just a few things I've noticed about the change in my spending habits in order to save money. Planning for a trip, whether around the world or just across the country, is hard. You need to make sure you surround yourself with people who understand your goals and are supportive of your means to getting there. Don’t get discouraged if things aren’t happening the way you thought they would, because, trust me, life doesn’t always go as planned. Sometimes you have to improvise. Be flexible, think positive thoughts and thank the universe for all the money you’ve saved (even if it’s not true yet—it’s all about gratitude).


How did you save for your last trip? Leave a comment below to share your tips!

Teaching English Abroad: How I Made The Decision (The Real Story)

I can't believe my TEFL course is almost over! 11 weeks went by really fast, and soon after I'm finished there will only be 12 more weeks until I'm off to Europe. I definitely had higher hopes for how much I would have in savings right about now, but things don't always go as planned. I started a GoFundMe account which you can donate to here (please help spread the word)! Hey, if some random girl can get her irresponsible trip to Vegas paid for by strangers, then I should definitely be able to get my teaching trip paid for. I haven't lost hope in humanity yet...don't let me down!

As I mentioned in another post, I started working as a substitute teacher for extra income and to prepare me for my own classroom. It's been fun and nerve racking at the same time. Although, I wish it was more consistent. I'm beginning to worry I won't be going to Europe with the fat savings account I was looking forward to. I never understood how other blogs only highlight the awesome stuff and give the illusion that dropping everything and just going is something can that be done in a day. For me, the decision had been building, but I guess the official verdict did actually happen over night. Some of you have been asking how I came to this point and how I decided. So, here's my story.

After graduating in the fall, and taking way too long to get to that point, I really couldn't think of a job I wanted to go after. So many of my friends had known exactly what they wanted to do way before they graduated and it always secretly worried me that I didn't have that. I wasn't one of the lucky ones in that sense. After taking some exploratory classes, I majored in sociology, which came easily to me. Throughout school I took tons of extra humanities classes, but never enough in one subject to earn a minor because, apparently, I have ADD and like to make things difficult for myself. By the time I graduated, I had traveled to Italy (twice), worked at multiple internships and had a well-rounded resume from all my jobs in high school and college. I worked as a preschool teaching assistant my sophomore year on a work study program and I can honestly say, that was my favorite job. The only problem was that I didn't want to be a teacher, so I didn't see it benefitting me in the future other than learning lots of patience and gaining some parenting skills (seriously, anyone in college who thinks they want to have kids at any point in their lives should spend a week in a toddler classroom-- holy fuck). Having to take a closer look at myself when the high of finishing school had dissipated, I began searching tirelessly for jobs in all the fields I had experience in. I had a great resume and impeccable cover letters, but I just couldn't shake the overwhelming feeling of dread when thinking about sitting in an office all day being a part of the corporate American rat race.

I found myself searching around for international jobs in my down time, which is when it hit me. What's stopping me from going? Absolutely nothing. I just finished school, had no tangible job leads, I had no mortgage, no kids, and no real responsibilities that couldn't be taken care of remotely. That was the "over night" decision I was talking about. I had no plan and surely no specific job in mind, but I had to find a way to do this. Traveling had been my dream since I was 9 after learning about the magic that is the rain forest in Mrs. Meyer's fourth grade class. My family is not rich and my mom didn't even get her passport until I decided I wanted to take advantage of a summer and travel abroad for the first time after saving all spring, so this was going to take a lot of work.

One night, during my boyfriend's lunch hour, I showed up and surprised him. A lot had been on my mind during that time when the high wore off and I needed to see how far I was going to take this idea of mine. As he sat across from me at the table consuming his food, I sat there silently until finally I blurted out "I think I want to start applying for international jobs". At that point, that's as far as I had gotten and wasn't prepared to answer any of the questions he had, but was surprised when he finally reached across the table, took my hand, looked at me and said "I know this is something you've always wanted to do and traveling is your passion, so I'm not going to be the one to stand in your way". I broke into tears in the middle of a quiet Panera Bread, and all I could say was thank you. From then on, I began my search. I had looked into teach abroad programs before and had even been in talks with an advisor from International TEFL Academy 3 years before, but the timing wasn't right since I was still in school and was only flirting with the idea. A few weeks after the talk with my boyfriend, I get a phone call from that same advisor. Out of blue. On my birthday. I couldn't believe it. He didn't even know it was my birthday (I asked him later), which is when I couldn't call it a coincidence any more, even though I don't believe in coincidences in the first place. I took a bit more time to consider my options, but what I was really doing was planning how to put my deposit down for the class and where I wanted to go. A few weeks later, after many phone calls and emails with Matt The Advisor, I took the leap and registered for the next class. That was my move and everything from that point on was going to be different. Since January when I enrolled, I have asked my boss for more hours at work, gotten a second job as a sub to save money and work around my main schedule as a nanny, and used my tax return to buy my plane tickets. This shit is real. I honestly can't believe how everything seemed to fall into place for me to get me where I am, which is why I am not as worried as I should be about my current savings account. There is just this serene sense of faith I have that I am right where I am supposed to be and I couldn't be happier.

My ticket is non-refundable since I got the cheapest price possible, and I will soon be TEFL certified, so there is no turning back now. I started going through my stuff and donating clothes, and trying to sell things I don't need. When the time gets closer, my furniture will be split between a storage unit and keeping it at the apartment to loan to my boyfriend for the time being, but that's another worry entirely. For now, I am just focusing on being as cheap as possible cutting way back on brunch with friends and Friday nights out. I have a goal that is growing nearer and nearer, so from now until July, I will be pinching those pennies.

Pre-Travel Stress: What No One Told Me About Planning a Trip

Currently feeling: Vance Joy "Georgia"  "Best That I Can" ...His entire album.

I officially bought my plane tickets for the end of July and this is feeling very real. Knowing that my relationship has an expiration date now is the hardest part. I’m balancing so many things and trying to organize myself is becoming increasingly more difficult. Not only am I trying to keep my household normal (I live with my boyfriend and our dog), I’m doing work for my TEFL class, going through the hiring process to become a substitute teacher before I leave, feeling the sadness and bitterness from some close friends, dealing with the fact that my mom [very vocally] doesn’t support my decision to travel, and, on top of everything else, constantly having a growing list of things to do and to take care of before I go. Cancel the car insurance, switch the bills out of my name, pay off my credit card, get up to date with dentist and doctors appointments, set up my student loan payments, move all my stuff into storage, apply for visas, try to save as much money as possible while also trying to make time to see all my friends and family and have a good time with them before I go. The list goes on and on. Nobody blogs about how stressful this whole process is. Moving to a new country is proving not to be as romantic as I thought it would be and sometimes part of me begins to doubt if I realize what I’m actually doing. All the stress, all the worry, all the uncertainty. Is the juice really worth the squeeze? Am I doing the right thing? And then I remember, oh yeah, I’m following my fucking dream.

Aside from the planning, maintaining my relationship is the hardest part of all. We live together, so the emotional rollercoaster of knowing I’m leaving soon, wanting to pull away, actively trying not to pull away, realizing we only have 4 months and 13 days until we break up, then seeing it as having a whole 136 days to enjoy with each other, then repeating the whole cycle the next week, is exhausting. We both know this is necessary, though, not only for our relationship, but also for us as individuals. Me being gone will be a great time for Sam to focus and really buckle down to further his career. I hope everyday that something awesome happens for him before I go so he has something positive to focus on. As for me, well, I need to do this. As much as it sucks, I can’t stay. I love him, I love our dog, I love my family and my friends, and I love calling LA home, but something inside of me is telling me it’s time to go.

I am leaving everything comfortable and familiar behind in an attempt to fuel the wild fire of wanderlust in my soul.

Willingly and knowingly throwing myself into the unknown is the single scariest thing I’ve ever done. I’m not sure it’s the right thing, but it’s the only thing that feels right. I hope I’m heading in the right direction. The countdown begins.