Ah, the familiar phrase I've Googled many, many times.
If you're thinking about it, you're already on your way. I'm speaking from experience. In the 3 major relationships in my adult life, I can honestly say that my wanderlust was a major factor in our break ups. Italy is seriously my mistress....er, mister?
Exhibit A: College Sweetheart, who we will call "J".
J was every girl's dream. 6’4” collegiate athlete, gentleman, scholar, and my god we were hot between the sheets. Seriously, best sex of my life, for THREE straight years! He was an aquarius and we worked. However, he wanted the typical American dream: white picket fence, beautiful blonde wife with a heart of gold (that could have been me), anglo babies, and to retire on our pensions where we would travel once a year to an English speaking country. Snore. Clearly, that wasn't my dream. It wasn't until later I realized this and our problems arose. After getting our own apartment that year, his getting accepted into a masters program, having our 3 year anniversary, and celebrating Christmas with each others' families, all of a sudden I felt panicked. A week later, I broke it off. It was the biggest heart break I had ever experienced, but what was even harder was that I did it to myself. I had to live with my decision. From then on, I knew I needed to travel. We had fought about Italy, mostly, in the last stretch of our relationship and every day I felt more and more sure of my heart's wants. I needed to go. He didn't understand and that's where we divided. A month after we broke up, he was already dating another girl. The day I came to say goodbye since I was moving back to California, I told him that I knew he was going to marry the new girl and I told him I was going to crash his wedding. He ended up getting married to that same girl 4 years later. Their wedding was last month and I just found out last week. FML…hence the “that could have been me”. The rest is history, I guess. Nothing compares to your first love. You’re vulnerable, open to new things, and want it so badly to work out. You imagine getting married and having babies, and what it would be like to live out your happily ever after. To this day, nothing has come close to that relationship in all the ways that made us so great. I know he’s happy now, and I’m happy for him. As much as it hurt, I know I made the right decision and am so happy I did.
Exhibit B: The Fun One, who we will call "A".
A was the next serious relationship I had after moving back to California, post J. It had been about a year since the break up and I was ready to try love again. I knew I didn't want anything too serious, and A seemed like the perfect choice. He was fun, social, outgoing, and spontaneous. I loved it all. I didn't want anything serious; serious meaning "ready to get married, like yesterday", which I had experienced when I was casually dating around before I met him. Yeesh. A seemed like the perfect guy for where I was in life. He was actually the one who had helped me get to Italy in the first place, and for that, I am eternally grateful. They say some people come into your life for a reason, and I truly believe A was in mine to help me get to that place. We had a ton of fun, and went out almost every weekend with our amazing group of friends. When I came back from my 2 week trip to Italy, he realized that he "didn't want to be without me" and asked me to move in. I was extremely hesitant, but sometimes you gotta take chances in life. So I did. As the relationship went on, I realized it just wasn’t right. Maybe I outgrew our dynamic, or just felt that I knew there was something else out there for me, but I knew in my heart that it was time to go. He's a sweet guy and I still think positive things about him, but he wasn’t for me. In the midst of everything between my first trip to Italy and our breakup about a year later, I had already planned a second trip to Italy and was going to be an Au Pair in Florence that summer. After our relationship ended, I swore to myself that I was going to keep my head down and focus on my trip that was coming up in 4 months....well, that didn't go as planned….
Exhibit C: S, The Creative One.
What a roller coaster this relationship has been. I met S only shortly after A and I had broken up and, I'll admit, I was in no place to start anything new. But, when has that ever stopped me?! Apparently, I'm a glutton for disaster. Textbook self-sabotager. S and I started seeing each other without realizing what we were getting into. He was new to LA, with a hopeful acting career and I was a poor dreamer living on my friend's couch until my trip, working at a coffee shop. He had this intelligent, artsy, sarcastic, hot nerd thing about him that I couldn’t resist. We hit it off right away and kind of stumbled into something without meaning to, and things got real serious real quick. Too much pressure too soon was a recipe for disaster. My second Italy trip was growing nearer and nearer every day and things were not getting any easier. In fact, they were really rough in the beginning. He had about 100 pounds of emotional baggage from his last relationship, and I was caught between looking forward and walking backward. I told myself I didn't want a relationship during my travels, but again, things happen. My second trip didn’t last as long as planned, but when I came back, shit got real. Next thing you know, we were 10 steps ahead of where a normal relationship should have been, but as we discovered, we’re not normal people. There was no time to really think about it, so we ended up signing a lease and moving into our very own apartment. Crazy. Through A LOT of ups and downs, we grew closer, understood each other better from our experiences, and learned a lot from each other. Things were going well after a year and half, and somehow we ended up rescuing our dog. I love my puppy child, don’t get me wrong, I just think hind sight is 20/20 and we really should have waited like we agreed. 2 months after getting a dog, I graduated with my bachelors degree and the travel bug bit again. Italy. This is about when I decided that I wanted to travel before it’s too late and right now seemed like my window of opportunity. S and I talked about it since he knows how important traveling is to me and we came to the agreement, through a hypothetical scenario, that he would support me if I wanted to teach English abroad. The following month, I enrolled in my TEFL course and here we are.
As you can see, Italy has been a major part of my break ups my entire adult life (among other things). I don't really believe in coincidence, which is why I think it is a serious calling. The feeling has been unshakable each time, like my soul is being called home. Cheesy, I know, but it’s true.
If you can relate, I’m telling you it’s worth it. The way I see it is, if you were meant to be with the person you’re with, then it will happen when and how it’s supposed to. If you’re thinking about leaving everything and everyone to gallivant the globe, then your mind is already made up. You wouldn’t be having those thoughts if it wasn’t what your heart truly wanted. It really does know what you want, and if I hadn’t followed mine when it told me to break up with J, I would probably be married and starting a life right now that I didn’t necessarily want. Sure, I’d be happy, but deep down inside I’d know this isn’t what I want. I told myself, after leaving J, that I did the right thing because I know that as the years went on, I would end up resenting him because I didn’t do what I wanted in my life. We would end up in an unhappy marriage and probably get a divorce all because I missed the signs from the universe and didn’t listen to my heart to go down the path I was meant to. Justify it however you want, but I can tell you with confidence that every hard decision I’ve made thus far in life has lead me here, and I couldn’t be happier.
When I planned my second trip to Italy, I was debating my relationship with A, and found this amazing blog post that helped me through a lot. Reading it now is even more eye opening. Check out Bacon is Magic's post about her experience and how she got through it here --> http://www.baconismagic.ca/chile/walked-away-from-love/ I really loved the way she opened up and told her story.
Did you ever break up to travel, or try to continue your relationship long distance? How did it end up? Have any advice? Leave a comment and tell your story.
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