5 Reasons Why Being a Hopeless Romantic Sucks (Or, The Cons of Being a Hopeless Romantic)

Hi, my name is Nikki and I'm a recovering Hopeless Romantic. *crowd groans the obligatorily "Hi Nikki"*

With Valentine's Day coming up, I started reflecting on why I have disowned my previous identity as a Hopeless Romantic and what that means for my future self. I can't help but feel calloused to this holiday, even when I was a naive girl with my head in the clouds waiting for something amazing to happen, it just seemed like this holiday wasn't all it was chalked up to be. No, I'm not one of those girls who expected two dozen pristine red roses, luxurious chocolates, and jewelry, because I do recognize the capitalism behind the "Hallmark" holiday. However, I did expect something heartfelt and romantic from the person who cares about me and knows me well. Is that too much to ask?

But, that's only a fraction of the reason of how I came to my conclusion: Being a romantic IS hopeless, especially this day and age. With the instant gratification of swiping left (or is it right? I don't know, I've never used Tinder), double tapping pictures, and exchanging raunchy self-deleting messages and pictures, it's pretty obvious that our generation has lost the art of romance. The few of us who do still hope for something out of (insert any romantic movie title here) are left to hide behind a necessary mask as to not show our vulnerability in fear of being attacked. We are the minority, the open hearts not afraid to love, even when it hurts. Fall [in love], get hurt, cry, stand up, brush yourself off, move forward, repeat.

5 Reasons Why Being a Hopeless Romantic Sucks

1. Unrealistic Expectations
We watch too many sappy movies, and then wonder why there is no one out there who will do that for us. We secretly want grand gestures, emotional declarations of love, and the passion that follows a big fight just like in the movies. Why can't we just have that? Oh yeah, because it's unrealistic. No one wants to make everyday things into a big deal or have big fights just to make up. That shit takes a lot of energy and many people like to call that "drama". I've been told I expect too much from my partners, and maybe that's true, but if they really loved me, they would do it because it makes me happy...right? Wrong. The ideal relationship you have in your head will never exist because it's not just about you. You also need to consider the other person in the relationship and be realistic. As much as you hate to admit it, let alone hear it, life is not like the movies. Hi, we live in reality.

2. Disappointment
Referring back to #1, having expectations that are not met inevitably leads to disappointment. I think this is the worst part of anything in life. We set ourselves up for disappointment by thinking someone will take a hint and do that romantic thing we told them about, thinking they are secretly planning something, or hoping they change. Even if they do something that is their idea of romance, it never quite reaches our expectations and we are left disappointed even when they do do something. This is a fault in ourselves and not the other person.

3. Unequal Relationships
We give too much. Plain and simple. We give too much thinking the other person will put just as much into the relationship if we initiate. However, this is flawed thinking. It's not truly a thoughtful gift or a nice gesture if we secretly expect something in return. That's not to say that the other person shouldn't return the favor at some point, because relationships are give and take, but somehow we always end up with the takers. It's never 50/50.

4. Lots of Heartbreak
It seems we never learn. Either we want to make it work with the wrong person (see Takers above), or we try to force a situation that is not meant to be. From a young age we experience the sadness of broken heart and as we grow, it seems to never stop. Maybe we're too open, maybe we just simply want it to work out they way we have it in our minds, but along the path of love,  it seems we fall down more than most.

5. You Don't Give Up...Even When You Should
Even when we've had our hearts stepped on, battered, beaten, bruised and shattered, we still somehow manage to see a light at the end of the tunnel. We continue in the darkness with a glimmer of hope and we truly believe things will get better. We'll find our One, have the grand realization that our dreams have come true and things will all come together and finally make sense. After all the bullshit we've been through and put up with in our past, we still press on with positivity and hope. That, my friends, is strength...or stupidity. It depends on your perspective, but since this post is about why being a hopeless romantic sucks, I'll argue the latter. Why would you possibly still have this ridiculous idea of THE ONE and fill your mind with Hollywood versions of what relationships are and forever be let down? Don't hold onto those toxic relationships, don't put up with anyone else's bullshit and don't allow your heart to run your life because your heart has no logic. You will only hurt yourself. And that's even worse than someone else hurting you because you had the power to change it.




Stay tuned for the Pros of Being a Hopeless Romantic, because everything needs some balance and I don't want to sound too much like a cynical bitch.

Traveling To Get Over A Break Up

Traveling is a great way to get over a break up. This isn't my first time running from my problems, and personally, I'd recommend it, but then again, you shouldn't take any of my advice about love. Seriously, what the hell do I know? If I had the answers, I wouldn't have been to all the low places I have come to know like the back of my hand. Despite the popular saying "Don't run from your problems", it's actually been a great way for me to feel like I tackle them head on. It's kind of an oxymoron to me now. No matter where you are, you will run into yourself eventually and traveling gives you a lot of solo time, which also means time to think. Everything kind of sorts itself out in my subconscious because it's constantly in the back of my mind, no matter where I am or what I'm doing. I have learned that pushing myself out of my comfort zone really makes me bounce back simply because I have to. Sure, I sulk on the couch with ice cream, wine and Netflix just like any other girl, then I have the period where I go out every weekend, drink, flirt and have a few one nighters, but that gets old real quick. In my early 20s, that was the norm, but now I feel different. Call it maturity or the fact that I don't speak Italian well enough to flirt, but I haven't been interested in that cycle this time.


Let me fill you in.

The day I left, S and I were on good terms (shockingly enough), and to be honest, a small part of me thought about staying because things were...well, nice, really nice. But, I remembered why I was doing this and I suddenly felt really good about my decision. No tears, no regrets about leaving the relationship I knew in my gut wasn't right. I was looking forward to my future for the first time in a long time, and that was just for me. For a few weeks after I left, we would text and Skype, laugh about inside jokes, and admit we missed each other, but I was actually doing well. I never thought about going back to him, and I knew this was for good, but he still acted like I was going to have some groundbreaking realization and jump on the next flight back to LA to run into his arms. Nah.  The more days that passed, the more sure I was. I was happy. I was excited about waking up in the morning to explore my new surroundings and loved the thought of not having to worry about anyone else. I did what I wanted, when I wanted and it was amazing. Freedom.

She's pondering life...and smiling. 

During this time, I realized that he was still hanging on and it was partially my fault because I was still talking to him like a best friend when he reached out. Remember, we hadn't had sex for the last 2 months of our living together because I just didn't feel it anymore. I still think that made it much easier to break off when it was time for me to go, since there was much less emotional baggage between us. He wasn't happy about it, I'm sure, but that's what I decided and I'm glad it worked out that way. Anyway, he started bringing up the good aspects of our relationship a lot more and that's when I realized I needed to cut him off. About a month into being gone, it was time. I had a few glasses of wine with dinner, came home and looked at my phone. Right before I made the call, it hit me. Why was I crying now? Was it the alcohol? Was it the fact that I was about to really leave him? Was it the feeling of losing a friend? I didn't know, but I had to do it. He answered, we small talked and I dropped the bomb, with tears. He understood and said he was beginning to get angry with me for leaving, so it was good timing. In all this time, he had some new opportunities come up, changed jobs, and talked to a girl or two. I wasn't jealous, or even mad or hurt. I wanted him to move on, because I knew I was. That's what made me feel ok after we hung up and I was glad.

After 2 weeks of no contact, he wrote me something about our dog and I didn't respond. A few days later, he texted me again. This time I answered and we ended up chatting for a few hours, on and off, talking about regrets and sorrows in our relationship and things that should have gone differently. The chat turned into a phone call and the phone call turned into closure. He apologized for some things, I apologized for some things, and in the end it made me really happy to hear him say out loud what he learned from it all. What shocked me even more was when he hit the nail on the head with the turning point of our relationship, which ultimately led to its downfall being his fault. Thank you! That was it.

"You took your suite case, I took the blame..." (what's that song called??)

Being on the move since I left has really done me a world of good. Not only was it the opportunity to start a new chapter for myself, I've had a lot of time for self reflection. Planes, trains and busses. I carried my journal everywhere with me, and still do for the most part, which always gives me the option to turn my solo lunch into productive me-time. I can't call my best friend to distract me at any time, I can't head my favorite, comfortable spot in town, or go out and have my friends buy me shots and tell me that the hot bartender has been eyeing me all night. Traveling distracts you to a point, but I truly believe it also forces you to learn about yourself more than in any other situation at home; double time if it's paired with a break up.

(Break Up - Comfort Zone) + Travel = Escape + Alone Time = Self Reflection = Realization = Healing


Not only is it hard to be sad when I'm in my favorite city, I can't stop thinking about all the things I need to do to get my life started here. Goals keep me motivated and moving forward. Not to mention, lots of hot Italian eye candy to distract me and make me fantasize about future rendezvous.

My advice: Say Fuck it and use the breakup as an excuse to go somewhere you've never gone, but have always wanted to. You can thank me later when you have the best experience of your life. Ride a camel, hike Machu Picchu, go wine tasting in Italy, learn yoga in Bali. Just go somewhere! Eat Pray Love that shit!


Have you ever traveled after a break up? How was it?