Reverse Culture Shock: Returning Home After Being Abroad

It's a strange thing you feel when you realize you no longer fit into your native culture the way you used to. Traveling changes you, opens your eyes, your heart and your mind. After being in the US for almost a month and coming back to Italy, I see a lot of differences in myself I hadn't noticed abroad, as well as seeing my own culture through a new lens.

The first week back home in LA was kind of a blur. I was jet-lagged, scrambling to see my friends and family, and constantly thinking about my visa application I had submitted the day after I landed. Being surrounded by the people I love was a great feeling and I really missed everyone, but I couldn't help but notice something was...off. With every conversation I had, my suspicions had grown into the obvious truth: I don't fit here anymore. While everyone around me seemed to be talking about money, status, and striving for the way to live, I found myself witnessing things as an outsider. Sometimes I felt like I wasn't even in the room. I didn't relate to anything they were talking about anymore and that's when I realized.


I've changed, I've grown.


I don't see it as a bad thing, but I knew that I felt different. I'd been living in another country for the past three months and have grown accustomed to the Italian ways of doing everyday things, so of course I felt out of place. I had forgotten what full-fledged capitalism felt like. Everyone-out-for-themselves-dog-eat-dog-money-hungry hustling. Oh yeah...this is America. I was now seeing what people from other countries were talking about when they spoke about typical American culture. It was weird seeing my own culture through a semi-Italian lens. I'm not saying it's bad or wrong to think or behave the way most Americans do, it's just different than what I had gotten used to. I was forced to adapt, but I had done it much better than I realized. Italians are about family, community and helping each other out. I will admit, I had a pretty hard time taking help when I first arrived. I had my American pride. I wanted to figure things out on my own, get what I needed, and feel proud to say that I did it myself. But this way of thinking caused me a lot of frustration and it wasn't until later that I realized I need people around me to care and want to help. Once I accepted that, I felt much more at home. Call it maturation, realizing I can't do it all on my own, or adapting to the Italian way. Whatever the reason, I needed to be humbled, and I was. After awhile, I found myself helping people out whenever I could, too. Plus, you know, seeing confused tourists looking at an upside down map just got annoying, so I figured I might as well try to be part of the solution for everyone and send their simple asses on their way. The sidewalk needed to be cleared for people who actually have somewhere to be. You're welcome, Florence.




"Where is the Duomo? I can't see anything with this huge church in the way!"


Another thing I noticed was how inadequate I felt when my friends talked about their ambitions. According to everyone around me, at my ripe age of a 20-something with a college degree, I should have started a full-time career with benefits by now, living in my own apartment, and planning my next steps for the future. In Italy, I literally have none of those things. I am barely getting by stringing a few part-part-time jobs together to pay for the room I rent in an apartment with my three Italian boy roommates, I'm without health insurance and I am nowhere near being financially stable as someone my age "should be".

I have no idea what my 5-year plan looks like. I can barely see past next week, let alone five years from now! I do, however, get drunk on fancy Italian wine a lot, so there’s that. It felt so great being back in LA (sarcasm alert--read: It fucking sucked). Yes, I also saw that so-and-so from high school is working at that big company with a nice salary and is newly engaged, thanks Mom, now get off Facebook. Is it just me, or does it seem like social media was specifically designed to allow people to over exaggerate small bullshit victories solely to make other people jealous, yet we all secretly feel insecure so we continue the cycle of bragging to make ourselves feel better? Nobody seriously loves their job that much or truly can’t get over how amazing their significant other is to where they have to tell the world every fucking Monday and Wednesday how in love they are or how hot they think their boyfriend is. Yes, we get it. Woah, that escalated quickly. What was I saying? Oh, right, my crappy little life.




Sounds way more awesome if you ask me.


But in all seriousness, it was much different being home than I imagined. First I didn’t want to have to go because I felt I was just getting into the rhythm of things in Italy, then when I knew there was no getting around it, I got excited to go and see my friends and family and be somewhere familiar and actually be able to talk to people in public. Then, once I arrived, my expectations were completely turned upside down and I felt like an alien. The hardest part was feeling disconnected from my friends. They were talking about the same old things and there I was, having only been gone three months, yet feeling I lived on another planet for a year. On the bright side, everyone told me I seemed happier than ever. That much was true. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter what my job is, how much money I have, or what people expect of me; I made the leap to do something not many people I know would have the guts to do. For that much, I am proud. I have the courage, ambition and faith to follow my dreams. During those times I start to get down on myself when I think of where I thought I would be at this point in my life, the career I wanted and the type of American Dream I had when I was younger, I have to stop and realize that I am doing something amazing and completely different than I thought, but in the best way possible. It takes time to build something out of nothing, and that’s exactly what I’m doing—starting my life in another country. After all, Rome wasn’t built in a day.

Travel Plans: What to Do When Plan "A" Doesn't Work

So, Plan “A” didn’t work out. What now? Freak out? Cancel everything? Seek refuge from your bed and cry into your pillow until you fall asleep? Ok, that may be my way of dealing with things, but I can’t be the only one, right?

Recently, while casually looking at my calendar, I suddenly realized that I only have about 8 more weeks until I leave….that’s only 2 months! Panic mode ensued and the following couple of days were predetermined to be ruined. Now, normally, I’m a strange mix between fun, spunky Pinkie Pie and inappropriate, kickass Pam Poovy, but during panic mode, I was like, totally a Droopy Dog and Panicky Smurf combo. Not fun.

This is how I feel when people say something negative
about what I'm doing.

Yayyyyy for Dick Holsters!!!

I had an emotional breakdown and started worrying about all the things that could go wrong, how ill prepared I was, and of course, my sad little savings account which I check everyday just in case any magical money appears over night. Still hoping.

At this point, getting a third job would help a ton, but I’m struggling with the type of job I could get since scheduling is a problem with my other necessary jobs. I’ve even looked into temp agencies, which are still in the works. Another issue is the amount of time I would keep the job. I would need to find something in the service industry for 1) the tips and 2) the high turnover rate so I won’t feel bad when I leave. I’m not entirely selfish!

My initial Plan “A” was great back in February when I applied to be a substitute teacher and had full time availability. Unfortunately, the company had other plans and took forever with my hiring paperwork, costing me over a month of time without working yet. Looking back, I probably should have looked for something else right away to fill the unknown amount of time before I would start teaching, but hindsight is always 20/20.

Now, at my 2 month mark (have I mentioned I only have 2 months left?), I’m doing the math and it’s not looking good. To overcome my Panic Smurf freak out, I began thinking of my options for jobs and other things. After searching all over Indeed for American companies with offices in Italy, remote jobs for American companies, and thinking of other ways to make money working from my laptop abroad, I realized as I was doing all of this, I was sitting in the one place I spend most of my time. The coffee shop. Not only do I know most of the employees, and how things are done, the manager also knows me and my boyfriend by name and starts our drinks the minute we walk in. In other words, we’re regulars. Why did I never see this before? I spend my entire morning there anyway, so why not get paid for it? They started hiring recently and haven’t had much luck with the people they’ve been training. LA is full of unreliable people, actors especially. Ugh, actors. So, I had a nice little conversation with the manager, told her that I can work for 2 months, and she's going to put in a good word for me with the owners.  Extra income and free coffee for me, and a competent, reliable employee for a couple months for them. Winning!

Being adaptable is an important characteristic for a traveler to have. If Plan “A” doesn’t work out, you need to be able to think quickly, and stick and move. I’ll be honest, forethought isn’t a strong point of mine, especially if I have painstakingly strong faith in my existing plan, so there is always a disconnect between where I am and where I see myself. Obviously, this isn’t something I’m proud of, but at least I’m honest with myself. I am, however, resourceful and when I take the time to look around, I can come up with new ideas pretty quickly. If you’re stuck in a bind, try to think outside the box. Super cliche, I know, but sometimes the answer is right in front of you, or in my case, you’re so close to it (maybe even inside of it), that you don’t see it. In addition to this idea, I also plan on heading down to the main street of my neighborhood and pass out my resume to every bar and restaurant like a frat party flyer being distributed in the dorms! BOOM! That, my friend, is called hustling.

Now, for my new outlook and daily mantra, "I am so happy I have $5,000 in my savings account before August!" Put it out into the universe and let it happen!

Also check out my post 8 Ways to Save For Your Next Adventure for more ideas!

What do you do if Plan "A" doesn't work out? Tell us in the comments below.

Moving To Europe and Teaching Abroad

MissDirection. What a perfect name for me/my blog. What am I doing? Where am I going? I can’t believe I’m actually taking the leap and moving abroad. I enrolled in a TEFL class, so in 11 weeks I will be a certified ESL Teacher deciding where to apply for jobs. I will be leaving in August to go to Florence for 6 weeks to be an au pair for the family I lived with a couple of summers ago. I’m so happy they’ve decided to have me because this will be a great transition into figuring out where to live and getting my shit together before I jump into the job market. I’ll be in a comfortable, familiar place like the calm before the storm.

Florence is my happy place. My soul feels whole and my heart becomes giddy. I can’t help but smile walking through the city. I must look like a lunatic, but that is the one place where I am just genuinely, truly happy. I can’t wait to be there and just enjoy being present.

Ponte Vecchio, Florence, Italy 

Loving San Gimignano, tucked away in the Tuscan Hills.

September/October is the hiring season for teachers, which is when I will have interviews. I am probably going to apply in Spain and some cities around Italy. Since most language schools in Europe don’t offer contracts to their teachers, I can stay for as long or as short as I want. I’m thinking I’ll stay at my first job for at least 6 months, enjoy Spain or Italy, then see how I feel. Who knows, I may want to stay! It’s hard to make plans this early, though. I can guess and “plan” all I want, but I don’t know what is going to happen. I prefer to have a loose idea of what I want, then to wing it after that. It always works out better that way for me…ok, well, not always. I guess I just enjoy the freedom of choice.

I am a college graduate with no savings (thanks to rent and my TEFL course), student loans due in a few months and I’m planning this move to Europe. It sounds crazy, right? Well, it is. If you're feeling generous or believe in my dream, you can donate to my GoFundMe campaign. I would be forever grateful! I honestly don’t know what I’m doing, but my heart is telling me I have to. Corny, I know, but despite my lack of funds, I do have a plan, which I will talk about in another post. 

Before I even thought of starting a blog of my own, I remember looking for a travel blog with advice and a real story of the struggle other people had to go through in order to get to where they were. I hated reading all the awesome stuff without mention of the hard work it took to make enough money for their trip or figuring out logistics or worrying about having enough savings before their departure. I wanted to hear about those things because that’s what makes it real. That’s what I want to give to those of you out there who want to know what it really takes, which is why I’ve decided to document my pre-departure. It’s not going to be easy, and that’s ok. Hard work is what makes the payoff even sweeter. I can’t wait to get started.